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Coach Cole Zesiger
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I Will Accept You
Back If

Your north star for reconciliation — or clarity.

What This Is

In Ex's & No's, Chapter 4 asks you to write three things that would need to change — in you and in them — for this relationship to work. "Better communication" is not an answer. "A weekly check-in every Sunday" is.

This tool goes one step further: for each of the three, it separates what they need to bring and what you need to bring. That distinction matters. It's the difference between a vague hope and an actual standard you can measure against.

This list becomes your north star. If a chance to reconnect appears, this is what you measure against — not nostalgia, not loneliness, not how good it felt at the start.

⚠️ Do not write this list from emotion. If you're in the first 2 weeks after the breakup, come back to this when you're clearer. A list written from pain will protect nothing.
Your Three Requirements
1
First Requirement
What is the single most important change needed?
I can actually measure whether this is happening or not — it's specific enough to be a real standard, not a feeling.
2
Second Requirement
The second thing that would make or break a reunion
I can actually measure whether this is happening or not — it's specific enough to be a real standard, not a feeling.
3
Third Requirement
The last piece — without this, it can't work
I can actually measure whether this is happening or not — it's specific enough to be a real standard, not a feeling.

Final Reflection

If all three of these changes happened — in both of you — would this relationship actually make you happy?

Your Standards

Based on Ex's & No's by Cole Zesiger · coachcolezesiger.com
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